Twilight

There is something missing in life and I guess I am missing it big time... I assume it’s my field work after much contemplation... I yearn to go back into the streets for a while and work and converse... I miss certain faces, raw conversations, dusty roads, narrow lanes, dark forests, dirty kids, small rooms, small wells,  ponds, dirty dingy lanes, crowd and colorful Chunni. I miss walking around with her - with my field companion... she was raw, broke and beautiful. She had that inner strength that I find missing in myself. I went with her to have lunch.. I did not have food - so she bought me a plate of cholle Batture from the vendor. It was cold... she had it with a relish and me staring at her and had it out of hunger thinking how many microbes went in my tummy. We sat in one corner of a very small room. From there I could see lot of other homes... They were all small, full of kids, noises, TV on its full volume... some money plants and during winters, everyone was busy making sweaters for kids, for their husbands, brothers and all... happily basking under the sun...
Even if they were poor they did not regret it. They lived, survived in all odds and now they were the kings of those little rooms, managed to get their kids admitted to a govt. school and managed to paint their home this Diwali or the other yet, they found time to smile at you.

Every evening with a sip of Chai - the moments were nothing but golden and precious - encaptured in my eyes forever... And. then at twilight, I headed towards home - trapped in emotions of people - the way they live and inspire to move on tough sturdy paths and yet remain peaceful and satisfied with whatever they have...

I miss something of this and something of that.. I miss someone.... miss a life I lived... I immensely miss what I am...

AMMA...

I at 25, have not stopped combating with my Ma… I have been juggling in frenzied brawl with a person who has looked after me for a very long while.

Best part of this relationship is that, after all those fights; my mom is acquainted with how to make me feel culpable even if it was her blunder. She would be nice to me, prepare food and try to chat.

"Marriage", can be the fuming subject matter that would blaze up your lungs and is lethal for your brains. Our relation has been a roller coaster. I constantly blame her for her infuriated ferociousness against me since as a kid. When I used to come back home with below average marks, it was she who used to beat me with her knife on my knuckles. Ooch!!! It hurts and within the small room of that flat there was no space of hiding or running off. And, the pain became deeper when my brother used to flash his flying colors like a victorious vindictive nasty King.

At my teenage, her nagging about my friends was an upfront argument. “You cannot go with him, what will people say? “To heck with people and society”, quoted I. Did she love me or the society more? After much commotion, I won her heart. But, beneath all this adversity lay the hand of a maestro – My Dad…

He acclaimed to be best know ME person; I was so close to him that WE were The Team. He never had an urge to have a battle against me. Poor Chap!!! he loved me and was entirely not capable to have a clash with me. After all, I was the treasured lovable first kid whom he cherished the most in his life. Yet, he the one who set flames between me and amma coz, he always bought her in front of him as his shield in the battle. Poor Ma…she never had an alternative but to have word to word encounter with me.

My anger transformed into silent ignorance for whatsoever she said… She became more enraged like a fuming volcano. But, one thing perpetually remained an unchanged factor and that was my guilt and my awkwardness to tell her, how much I love her… My habitual ignorance for being such an idiot.

I love you Amma… for being there and silently taking care of me. You have been doing all the household chores like your contractual obligation yet you never strained us to do it. And, I know you love me more than you love your son, my Niks!!! Yet our combat is a never ending unsettled wave of the turbulent sea under the gorgeous looking moonlit night.

That's my Amma who loves gardening....Mothers they always love to nuture!!!

Enclosed in Boredom!!!

I am sitting before an idiot box on a very comfortable bed enclosed in four walls within the luxuries that many people dream about.

Don’t misunderstand that I making you count my comforts rather I am counting my own boredom. Boredom of being imprisoned inside this comfortable life where I don’t have anything to do or share things with, no I don’t need a partner but I yearn to go back to my field work. Being rich may give you a comfortable exotic life but every so often, it fails to give you inner strength and comfort.

Watch me, just like you watch TV. I want to work yet my desire is not enough for me to throw paints of my experience, expressions, dedication on the walls of reality. The whole world is busy doing things… Should I cut my hairs or change my wardrobe coz, these are the only items I can possibly change. Obviously, I can’t change my BF and my parents. I am too committed to do so.

Tomorrow, my nappy friend is gonna change lanes from India to Australia. I don’t know when would I see her or even get a glimpse of her. Our moments have been captured by the wheel of time, from laughter to our cries; from our secrets to our dreams; from Mills &Boons to Anita Nair. She even helped me breaking my old bed cot to buy new one. I just had to push her during one of our wrestling fights and there she went down breaking the leg of my cot. We will always laugh upon and cherish what we shared.

“Memories of my Melancholy Whores”, Gabriel Garcia Marquez is the farewell gift I gave to her. It will be long when I get to see her. She will be changed and so would be I. Gosh!!! Marriage revolutionizes lot many stuffs. It’s just not clinging to gold or sarees but friendships and relationships. They go a huge transformation.

My prayers will be there like a shadow for you my Boothani… Rock on and have a beautiful life!!! Snob! There goes tiny pearl of drop across my cheeks.

You must have seen these reality shows - Who asked Sajid Khan to come and judge for “India Got Talent”. He is such a loser, he has no intellectual reasoning, he sucks as a judge. Can you please show him the recent song by AR Rehman: Kaye Kaye intna kaye karte kaye ko hum, yun rote kaye ko hum… sad rehta kaye ko hum… He is such a sadistic.

I fear my life would end like nothing you know like a zero. Where I failed to achieve things and would die like I was a moss… God, I need to get up as early as possible to be the first bird to get the worm. It’s time I challenged myself beyond luxuries, relationships and money.

Home - where I spend my vacation

The home where I spend my vacation is now closed
The paths I played on rainy days have dried up

Kitchen garden waits for somebody’s footsteps

Banana tree are waiting to be plucked; alas! There are no children.

Cousins I met and had fun with, have grown apart

Grandmother I once lived with – now lives with cherished memory that is a sore.

Love that once bounced with cherished smile, laughter and screams

Have gone astray in winds.

Spirit of my childhood have been lost in elderly fights, ego and clashes.

Why did I ever grow up?

I miss the rain, starlit glittered sky that I shared with my siblings,

Those innocent silly plays on Amrudh trees, swinging on its branches,

glaring fishes in the well.

Who wants to grow up when there is so much of beauty

in abundance in childhood. Alas!!! It remains as an unattended graveyard.

Time that possess all, never returns. And memory tends to fade.

Emotions are more expensive than watching a movie in a hall. I would never

return to those woods coz, it's lonely and abandon. I am only left with the stories

to be unfurled to my little ones. Home, which they might never see, 

laughter, which I would fail to hear again.  



Roaring Furiously...

For the very first time in my life, I saw Delhi roaring not of car flashy lights but of roaring thunder... Kadackwroom... wow!!! The sound took me off from my seat where I was thinking deeply. I even thought my laptop would be in two pieces.

I never saw those dark grey clouds ever in this city. I never thought about floods - wished Akshardaam would sink like Titanic. Then people will come to have a glimpse of it from international standards just like a wreck of palace in water.

I am not kidding but the land it stands proudly - is of farmers and those poor whom we least bother about are on roads picking up blue sheets to cover themselves from piercing rain. We stay at home occasionally, coming to our balconies to smell the wet earth, to see the lush green park and to feel the fresh drop from the sky. Is our mother lashing back at us or is trying to protect us. Is earth healing or is it just a slient before the storm rushes down to our doors.

Delhi like never before is dancing and is chaotic under the grey clouds and blowing rain. Commonwealth seems to be drowning like my paper boat under the rain drops. Thanks to the Government of India and Suresh Kalmadi for all the eaten up corruption in their bellies. They would never go hungry yet their thirst for dazzling looking Rupees is never gratifying. I guess all the players and Kalmadi himself would facilitate this commonwealth in raincoats. I don't see any other alternative.

Dear Policy Makers...

It is a humble request to you from a very humble citizen of India. I know you guys are up there because of your qualifications and old age. I know you are doing a great job esp. When Dr. Mihir Shah is one among them and I have my whole faith in his teachings and beliefs.

Please make something as powerful as RTI where these bugs who even eats up our tax money should vomit the corruption inside them. It is a sincere request before army like naxalism would lay their dirty hands upon our damn city. Kindly, make a policy on implemetations of your policies, a policy against corruption and its alternatives.

Thanks and Regards

Greeshma

Youth Brigadier of India

P.S: Among the roaring furious thunder is me standing still and wondering about those who do not have shelter - will this big tree be enough for them. The answer come No - and here goes my sleep for rest of the night.

  

Wandering....

It's been so long that I have been wandering like a lost soul...

No I am not heart broken nor I have lost anyone...

I am rather out of job... I am so pathetic that I even don't help my mom at home doing home chores. I lie on a large bed thinking what kind of life is it?

Here is a person full of valuable dreams as Calvin would have said in his imagination who desires to work in the interior places of India or even Africa - always in search for a challenging job as if it is the only holy water that would set my thirst in. In this materialistic world it's so difficult to find an individual who wants to work in such challenging areas yet the universe fails to direct the eyes of those in my way telling them that they are missing a gem like me. Oh!!! Gosh... I am turning into a moss, a diamond going underneath the mud...

boo hoo!!! : Cry of a loser... Com'on babe... I have to try, try harder to get a job that seems gratifying my soul. I don't want a palace not would I agree for a Merc. All I carve, is for a job where I can work endlessly with people around me. Where I can lend hand to the one in need ; perhaps a shoulder to a crying woman ; a hope to a child or a hug to a tree.

Why is it so difficult? The only harship is to fight laziness. A new member in my family and who sticks to me like a glue. It has covered me in its blanket and I need to pull this up. I want to run on my feets as fast as I can.. I want to rush to fly, to kiss the sky even when its raining. I want to open my eyes as early as possible, to drive my Moppet in the muddy lanes of villages. I want to sit on the lap of the soil and hear the cricket in the night. I want to see the fireflies decorating the trees as if, their bride was coming during the dark night. 

Wandering is not bad until you fall in prey in the caves of sleeping beauty where your passion is murdered and your dreams remain out of reach. Wake up!!! Untill, you fall asleep forever... and you can never again wander.

Love

Love makes you cry, it makes you happy


Love makes you bold, it makes you beautiful.

Once surrounded by friends - it takes you away to an abandoned beautiful island !!

You survive in solace beauty of your lover...

You are mysteriously dazzled by her presence

Her body mesmerizes you in a World of immortal beauty !!

You alone make this journey and are enthralled by its pleasure.



Love surrounds you all over as an engima

It bestows you an oomph of contentment that

you can never stumble on constantly

in Life !!!

SPRING

I miss the jungles n tiring works,


I miss the voice of the birds and hissing of the snakes.

The gorgeous dancing rain and roaring thunder.

The ravishing heat and engulfing cold wind.

I miss me when I am in the lights of the city!!!



Untill, I reach your lap and close my eyes,

I wonder where my thirst is gone...

Everything beautiful engulfs me in you.



The nectar of Nature is so untouched and pure

as melodious as your love for me... Nothing brings

me peace than your touch of "Spring".