Things I want to do before I die:

1. I want my passion to come back: Down the lane I have forgotten my passion, my enthusiasm for doing things I loved to do... Its not there anymore. I want to do things and love it.

2. I want to take better care of myself: I see myself everyday and think I was better before. I want to run, eat healthy that means on time and look good.

3. Be good: I want to be good to people around me and not mean. I want to be more understanding but at the same time not get too involved as it means an intrusion to their space and lives.

4. Be sensible: I want to be sensible enough to understand and empathize. I don't want to be carried away by emotion.

5. Love: I want to love everyday. I want to love Shahir so much that even when I am not around he will feel my love for him. I want to love so much so that he will be exclusive.

6. Family: I want to visit them once in two months or vice - verse, this lifetime is not enough to let my dad know how wonderful he is and my mom has been out of this world. I have not spend enough time with my brother and I want to spend at least 4-5 days with them in every two months.

7. Little things: I want to do little little small little things to Aadya, my special friends and family to let them know that I am there for them and above all it makes me truly happy.

8. Fight: I want to learn kick boxing so that I am not afraid of darkness or when I sleep or when I travel or sleep alone. I want to be strong. I should be able to handle the situation and fight back. 

A Sloppy Juggler 

I always go into this hibernation mode, writers call it a writing block... Well ! I ain't no writer for sure. But my life has been moving in a good pace. It is a bumpy road. I moved from jungles to the city. I don't feel anything great about it but the fittest only survives, so I took up another profession to survive the urban clenches of expenses, anxiety, crowd, competition and life in itself. Many don't let marriage make a difference to their profession but a lot many do. I am from the latter category. I gave up my social work profession as I could not find anything interesting enough in Hyderabad. City of Nizams. Food is the main attraction but the city is still developing. Less aggression but bad transportation. I would not think of travelling one hour which I did not mind earlier. Ahora! Soy profesora de espanol. That's right I took up Spanish and now I am a Spanish Teacher. I do enjoy what I do and I am deep down my knees in work. Something to be happy about and I surely am... but there is something that is troubling me for a while, I am becoming very forgetful nowadays. Yeah !! people just laugh about it and rub it off like some dust on their shoulder but it makes you go crazy. At one moment I forget my very important accounting book and the very next moment I realize I have misplaced my specs without which my eyes start to hurt while working before a computer. I forgot my hard disk at school and I broke my very loyal mobile out of anger. No, I am not rich enough to be able to afford these things to buy again and again. I keep forgetting my mobile everywhere and all the time. A Land phone had been convenient for me but for this century life it is hardly apt. My partner in crime tells me that its because I am juggling lot many things at the same time. Going to school, taking home tuition all day, household chores because finally my servant decided to leave and I can't find another. I feel like a joker juggling with ten balls at a time. Woh!! I did not sign up for this. I did try and find solution for forgetfulness on Google but nothing really helped. Everyone says try  yoga, meditation, exercise and blah blah blah... I miss Tanushree (the only friend I had in Hyd. who flew away to Luxembourg) I miss her company, night outs, crazy things which I can do only with friends. I keep wishing that one of my friends will end up here for a night or two. 

No, it does not stop me from being amnesiac but it just eases my anxiety.. As I continue to be forgetful I can only hope for to be relaxed.